De la Guardia Imperial - Vol. 1

The “It’s for your own good” rule

Year 40,000. Basecamp on Irinis system, Monday at noon. A horrid scream ruptures the quiet in the 127th regiment's encampment, some guardsmen try to find the source of the screaming and they find it from one of the sanctioned psykers, whose body lies on the mud, twisting by the midbody back and forth; 'painfully' is a smooth word to use at this sight. From the depths of the basecamp a senior officer with captain insignia runs towards the center of the event to assist his man. Enters also the Commissar to deal with the situation

"WghhuubdaaaaaAAAAAAh!!!"

"Holy Relic, the Warp took possesion of him!! The Chaos entities will tear his body, soul and mind to turn him into a live warp rift and pour evil into this world. I'll do what I must. Step aside Captain, I will ease his suffering!!"

The commissar puts a clip in his boltpistol and aims at the psyker's temple.

"Trust the Emperor son... it's for your own good."

"NO! Hold it! Put it down Commissar!! Marvin's not being possessed! He's got sick! He'd had Thserizo & Eggs for breakfast this morning... nothing more. Please do not shoot him."

The Commissar relaxes the index finger in his boltpistol while he gathers his thoughts, and tries to recall something elusive in his mind.

"Thserizo and Eggs... Thserizo... mmmh... What is Thserizo?" Asks the commissar to the senior officer.

"Thserizo sir, is a special spicy sausage... old recipe from Terra" responds the Captain. "I told him not to eat that before the battle, but he's so stubborn. He claims it helps him focus his mind and body to repeal Demons."

"Thserizo... Oh yes, I've heard of that stuff. It's been forbidden by the fleet due to its side effects. And you do not want to know about collateral damage."

"Collateral Damage? Side effects? What kind of side effects?"

"Stomach ache, reflux, spasms, intense abdomen pain, diarrhea, and heavy flatulence. The stench could take a Daemon Prince aback indeed, or turn a Predator Astartes Tank into rust in situ, but... then comes the collateral damage"

"What you mentioned before is not collateral damage?" Inquires the captain.

"No, those are just the side effects. Want me to tell you what I know about that sort of collateral damage? This is a serious issue that will make you sleep uneasy for the rest of your life Captain, specially if he had that stuff served in tacos and chopped onions, salt and Terran taetomatos' sauce."

"He had breakfast that way!! So what?!! What could turn him so ill?"

"The tortillas..."

"The tortillas? You're talking about the corn tortillas?"

"No Captain, I'm talking about the Khorne Tortillas."

"Merciful Emperor...!!"

"I know, the whole combination is... It's like being possessed by a daemon prince, but worse. His stomach, his guts, his colon, his whole digestive system will go berzerker, specially with the residual outcome. I'll do what I must. Step aside Captain, I will ease his suffering!!"

(boltpistol cocking)

"Trust the Emperor son... it's for your own good..."

(gunshot)