De la Guardia Imperial - Vol. 3

Loretta 'Steelfingers'

At the Colony pub an officer gets fresh with the bar-girl who knocks the lights out of Captain Porttela with the back of the hand rendering him unconscious for a brief moment.

"BLOOOODY EMPEROR! She just slapped me, but it felt just like she stroke me with a thunder hammer! (ooowwww!) Help me up mate, who is she?"
"He... He is Loretta 'steelfingers', former officer of the Cadian 177th."
"What the f*** she hit me with? "
"A bionic implant, augmented by the Adeptus Mechanicus. I'm talking about hand, arm, forearm and shoulder, all covered by biologic tissue, looks pretty natural on the outside. About the inside, well, you tell me about it..."
"And why he would like to do that?"
"Bits of shrapnel blew his right arm from the elbow down and some other parts at the battle on Cralumines 7 years ago, the bionics implant cost him a fortune, but he is noble born so, he could afford it. She changed his name, then ended up working at this pub."
"What, he never rejoined the forces?"
"The regiment gave her his 'early retirement'."
"What about the other forces? What about the Adeptus Astartes?"
"Nope. He's too short for them, won't fit the armour."
"Adeptus Mechanicus?"
"They said he didn't have the balls..."
"The Daemon-Hunters, the Ordo Malleus?"
"Rejected, his now-round hips and female tendencies were branded as the posible taint of Slaneesh."
"What about the Adepta Sororitas?
"Rejected also. Too much testosterone (or so they said)..."

Conversation between Cpt. Porttela & Cpt. Balukov at the "Straight Silver" Bar